I try to keep my blog as positive and upbeat as possible. But I also want to make sure that I am being honest and genuine about my experiences, frustrations, and whatever else is irking me in real life. In all reality, there are just some days where having a chronic illness straight up sucks.
I’ve been living with a chronic illness for years now (hey anxiety disorders!) and I’ve found it to be almost second nature in dealing with them. I’ve had so much time to learn and experiment and find the ways to cope that work best for me, and now with celiac, it’s like being set back to the first page. Somedays can just be more difficult than others.
I’ve found myself spending some days just trying to come to terms with the fact that many things that I really loved to eat are a thing of the past if I want to heal properly. I know that I can adapt just about anything to be gluten free, but that is work that I’ve never had to do before. It might sound totally lazy, but you take for granted being able to order a pizza or run through the drive through when you don’t feel like having to cook. Now that I cook every night, I find myself eating healthier, which is a definite plus. But, it’s still hard to not want to run out and pick up something easier. I trust that the craving for things will go away sooner or later, but it can seriously weigh on me.
Any sort of social gathering with food is suddenly so much more pressure than I would have thought. Making things gluten free takes care and vigilance, and when you get together with people who don’t understand how vital it is, it’s too dangerous to just snack on everything. It feels like you’re being forced to be rude to everyone who’s cooked, because you literally cannot eat whatever they’ve prepared, no matter how much you would loooove to indulge. It has social side effects that I never would have expected.
I know that things are getting better and that soon enough I’ll be totally settled in, but in the mean time, I spend so much time just feeling totally drained. It’ll all pay off in the end when I’m totally healed and healthy again, but for the mean time, I just have to accept the bad days as they come.
I know that next week will be brighter and more positive, and I’m looking forward to having happier and healthier days, that are just on the horizon. Sometimes you just need to vent it out, and then you can move a little bit more quickly in the right direction.